FictionPress.com - let the words flow
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| simpleplan13 2008-02-24 ch 1,   | I really like the two lines about the safe and secure wind, but I'm not really sure how it relates to the rest of the piece that seemed kinda pleasant and happy and then bam it's not... the rest of it is nice and I like the ending, but I think it needs some punctuation Also some spelling My bretahing grows shallow...breathing continueing at me window...continuing Still a really nice piece.. very powerful PS If you're bored today check out the review game's review marathon.. there's a link in my profile |
| Steve Sweeney 2008-02-24 ch 1, | Very striking, and a unique manner of expression. |
| Take the Money and Run 2008-02-24 ch 1, | Wow this is really pretty good, i like it! i'd have to say i like the last four lines the best. i wouldnt change the way its writen, really, but there are a couple typos. "angainst the harshness", i think its supposed to be "against." bretahing should probably be breathing, "continueing at me window/Somethig is there"--it should be continuing, with no e, me should be my, and theres a typo in somethig... Its a really good poem, but next time it should be proofread. |